Friday, November 18, 2011

You Know You Play Too Much Assassin's Creed When...

I’m a bit of a clingy person, I can’t help it, really… Abandonment issues and all. The Hedgehog normally handles it very well, especially when it means right before he leaves I follow his every single movement from about a foot away from him at farthest, following him as he puts on his shoes and coat and gets ready to leave for work.
Hi! I was just following you from three inches away as you moved to get your keys!
The other day however, he got a little upset and demanded to know what I was  doing. Without thinking my  first reply was,  “Stalking you.” … And thus the greatest game ever was born.
You have no idea what's about to happen!
I crept in closer and moved quietly, following him as he crossed in front of the bed. “You’re not doing a very good job, I’ve noticed you.” He told me,  but I was undeterred: “Of course you have, it’s just the two of us in here.”
... Would you notice me if we were in a crowded room...?
Aw crap, it's flashing yellow... time to blend...
Well, since he had spotted me, I ducked behind something as he went to the closet, bowing my head and pressing my hands together to blend, peeking ever so  often around the corner to check on him. A couple of times he looked at me and laughed, but that was only because he had yet to realize he was my  target.
... What's he doing by that closet...?
No, seriously, what's he doing?
Finally he kept his back turned long enough that I could make my move. Quickly and silently I darted across the room, flicking out my hidden blade and aiming for his throat, but at the last second he suddenly turned, driving a dagger into my upper thigh. How could I not have seen that he was an assassin as well?
Getting hit in the leg does hurt...
Especially with a knife.
 I lost my balance and fell into him, trying one last time to take out my target, thrusting my  hidden blade for his throat, but I had been exposed!
Yikes! And away!
Where's a bale of hay when you need one?
 I fled quickly and hid myself, waiting until surely my target had forgotten...
Boop!

Resynchronization and my wounds heal!
 At which point I strode back out…
... What's he doing...?
My sync bar senses something...
But now he was flinging throwing knives at me from across the room! One hit me in the stomach, the other my shoulder, while another grazed my leg. I was injured, but no vital spots had been hit, I would get him yet!
Markers can hurt.
In reality I would've bled to death later...
As I lunged for him he grabbed a sword and swung it,  but I blocked it with my hidden blade, then grabbed the sword and pushed it away, pulling out my own short blade with which to do battle. But then he pulled out a small knife and we paused the game for a moment because I didn’t wanna hurt him or get hurt with real weapons, so he traded the blade for nun chucks made of Wii remotes.

He dropped those quickly however and went for the door, grabbing up a book. I followed him though and shanked him quickly… but he was civilian, worse, a holy man! How had this happened?
I'm changing the rules mid-game!
...
So I stalked him a bit and decided he needed to be interrogated…
I can't shank you, but I can punch you!
TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!

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