The Blonde One

This is my friend, the Blonde One.

... She's not really blonde...

There are reasons why we call her this.

She looks at me as if wondering what they are... but she knows...

Instead of pleading my case and trying to tell you why we call her this, I’ll just leave you with some of her more infamous quotes… because attempting to copy some of the insane conversations had with her might drive me nuts... Also, for years we were convinced that her boobs were parasitic intelligence draining sentient beings attached to her body, because the bigger those monstrosities got, the more inane our conversations would get...

This is the Blonde One, and these are her quotes.

 “I am the Mermaid of the Return!”

… No idea what that was about, she just announced it… out of no where… dressed like a normal person, totally announced it out of the blue…

“If chocolate were the only thing left and we had to go to the moon, we would have to take baklava.”

This is her most famous quote, and it too came out of left field. If you know anything about baklava, you know it doesn’t have chocolate, and if you know anything about space travel, you know we can’t go to the moon on baklava… And even if we weren't using the baklava to get to the moon, she already made it a rule only chocolate was left...

I have drove myself insane at night trying to figure out the logic behind that statement... there is none... I should know this... We've been trying to figure it out for years... Nothing.,

“Crabs and barnacles are basically the same thing.”

… Speaks for itself…

And just this weekend when we were laughing at her for being the Blonde One, a title that we actually call her in the real world… a lot… she looked at me and announced, “Laugh now. When the world ends, I’ll have all the baklava to myself...”

This is the face that plots my doom...