The Weekly Kit: Cutter Kit

This one's kinda dark, guys... Also, I don't know what a cutter kit is, only that the Hedgehog saw a note about it at work a couple weeks ago.

The Weekly Kit: Knitting Kit

I'm working on your Christmas present!

Accidental Stalkers

So one night me and the Hedgehog left the apartment right behind this other couple; it was cold, so we were all in hoodies with the hoods up. They were on the other side of the parking lot by the time we left, so they were far enough away that I didn’t think anything and laughing or joking with the Hedgehog.

Apparently this was my first mistake.

As we walked, I noticed the guy ahead of us nudge his girl and look back at us, as if pointing out our presence; I laughed about this at the time because, well… Did they really think we were stalking them? We just happened to be walking down the same road, they were way ahead of us, and despite the fact we were in a hurry, we weren’t terribly close to them despite walking slightly faster; they were still a whole parking lot length away.

Well, by the time we reached East Coast Wings, it was confirmed: they thought we were muggers. Suddenly both of them veered off and went into the restaurant, and as we passed by I looked over to watch the both of them walking back out. For a while they walked behind us, but apparently we freaked them out still, because they darted across the road… at the same time we needed to cross the road…

The Weekly Kit: First Aid Kit

Lemme make your boo-boos better.

I Don't Wanna Be An Assassin Anymore...

 Assassin's Creed

Your contract Assassins, is Link from the Legend of Zelda!!

Our scouts have discovered that you will find him at G4TV's Videogame Deathmatch.
Here is your feather, you know how we want you to return it to us...

I won't do it Link, I won't...

When your fandom asks you to kill one of your favorite characters from another fandom... What would you do?

You Know You Play Too Much Assassin's Creed When...

I’m a bit of a clingy person, I can’t help it, really… Abandonment issues and all. The Hedgehog normally handles it very well, especially when it means right before he leaves I follow his every single movement from about a foot away from him at farthest, following him as he puts on his shoes and coat and gets ready to leave for work.

Hi! I was just following you from three inches away as you moved to get your keys!

The other day however, he got a little upset and demanded to know what I was  doing. Without thinking my  first reply was,  “Stalking you.” … And thus the greatest game ever was born.

You have no idea what's about to happen!

I crept in closer and moved quietly, following him as he crossed in front of the bed. “You’re not doing a very good job, I’ve noticed you.” He told me,  but I was undeterred: “Of course you have, it’s just the two of us in here.”

... Would you notice me if we were in a crowded room...?

Aw crap, it's flashing yellow... time to blend...

Well, since he had spotted me, I ducked behind something as he went to the closet, bowing my head and pressing my hands together to blend, peeking ever so  often around the corner to check on him. A couple of times he looked at me and laughed, but that was only because he had yet to realize he was my  target.

... What's he doing by that closet...?

No, seriously, what's he doing?

Finally he kept his back turned long enough that I could make my move. Quickly and silently I darted across the room, flicking out my hidden blade and aiming for his throat, but at the last second he suddenly turned, driving a dagger into my upper thigh. How could I not have seen that he was an assassin as well?

Getting hit in the leg does hurt...

Especially with a knife.

 I lost my balance and fell into him, trying one last time to take out my target, thrusting my  hidden blade for his throat, but I had been exposed!

Yikes! And away!

Where's a bale of hay when you need one?

 I fled quickly and hid myself, waiting until surely my target had forgotten...

Boop!

Resynchronization and my wounds heal!

 At which point I strode back out…

... What's he doing...?

My sync bar senses something...

But now he was flinging throwing knives at me from across the room! One hit me in the stomach, the other my shoulder, while another grazed my leg. I was injured, but no vital spots had been hit, I would get him yet!

Markers can hurt.

In reality I would've bled to death later...

As I lunged for him he grabbed a sword and swung it,  but I blocked it with my hidden blade, then grabbed the sword and pushed it away, pulling out my own short blade with which to do battle. But then he pulled out a small knife and we paused the game for a moment because I didn’t wanna hurt him or get hurt with real weapons, so he traded the blade for nun chucks made of Wii remotes.

He dropped those quickly however and went for the door, grabbing up a book. I followed him though and shanked him quickly… but he was civilian, worse, a holy man! How had this happened?

I'm changing the rules mid-game!

...

So I stalked him a bit and decided he needed to be interrogated…

I can't shank you, but I can punch you!

TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!

Creepy Conversation of the Day

(The color changes in the next pic... tried to find a more tile-y color...)

So yesterday wasn’t too bad of a day with the Terror… I mean, she was a real, horrible, Terror yesterday, but the Hedgehog had the day off of work so he was there, and his little sister came over for a while, so the Terror wasn’t focused terribly on me… Still, she pitched an ever loving screaming fit because the Spawn and the Hedgehog’s little sis wouldn’t play with her? Or something like that… So to punish her for being bad I put her in timeout like I always do.

Timeout is a chair in the corner of the kitchen. Sometimes she sits and whimpers quietly for five minutes, sometimes she sits and screams and tries to move and I have to bump it up to ten minutes… Guess which one she did this time?

Not pictured here: a weeks worth of dirty dishes, and sanity.

 Oh, and when she sits and screams, she does it purposely, meaningfully, emphasizing each individual scream. And if I make the mistake of looking back at her she stares forcefully into my eyes, screaming short little blasts of “ah”!

"Ah! Ah! Aahh! Ah! Aaaah! Ah!"

"AH! AAAAHHHH! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SUFFERING?!"

Well, while ignoring her so that she understands this won’t get her her way, Hedgehog’s sister came out, saw her in the kitchen, and told her, “If you want out of the chair, just get out of it.” and so the Terror did so… I may have lied when telling this to the Hedgehog by telling him that his sister picked the Terror up and moved her, because honestly… his little sister is scary and intimidating to my “shy-just-getting-to-know-you-and-therefore-not-comfortable-speaking” stage I go through. Normal me would like her, but for now she’s loud and aggressive and yells a lot at everything.

… All I could think was that my authority had been undermined… Whether purposeful or not (and I doubt it was, though she had to know that the chair in the corner was timeout) it put a thought in the Terror’s head: she could get away with anything, timeout was no longer a punishment…

I know this because a few hours later she got into raw cookie dough and huddled in a corner trying to eat it quickly before anyone noticed… right behind me… while my back was turned… I who thought she was just being a weird kid staring over my shoulder making slurping noises.

And I could’ve prevented it, too, if I’d spoken up earlier in the day when the Hedgehog’s sister had given her a chunk of the cookie dough. I could’ve said, “No, that’s your older sister’s, I don’t think she should have that”, but instead I clamed up and worried about how if I spoke up she’d hate me… But the Terror suddenly saw that the cookie dough was something she could have, and she did so…

When she got yelled at for doing it, she crawled under the table and proceeded to drag herself across the floor, looking pathetic and shoving at anything within arm’s length…

In fact, the only not bad thing that really happened with her today was a creepy conversation we had. See, after the Terror woke up I asked what she wanted for breakfast. Normally she wants pbj, because she freaking loves the stuff, but for the past couple of days she’s wanted toast instead. So I toasted her some bread and was looking for a butter knife, but all the forks and butter knives were dirty. Well, thinking she could help, the Terror grabbed the only knife left and thrust it at me, so I had to talk to her about how certain things are only for adults… (Apparently telling her how cars are only for adults doesn’t work, because the Hedgehog’s little sister lets her drive sometimes… Seeing a trend here...)

While telling her about this, we had this conversation:

Me: Knives are only for adults.
Terror: But mommy uses them.
Me: Well, mommy’s an adult.
Terror: She uses this one on her toe!

I was caught so off guard, I lapsed straight into, “Ugh, ew! That’s so disgusting!”

I then, because you should never tell a small child their mother is disgusting, had to cover it up quickly by saying that the Terror should never do such a thing… but I couldn’t help but ask why her mom used it that way.

Terror: Because her toe hurts.

… And the knife solves this problem?!

An Anger Too Great for Words...

... If you've read the last couple of blog posts, you might wonder exactly why it is I haven't mentioned anything really about Google canceling my ads and taking away the near $200 I was going to get paid that me and the Hedgehog needed for survival this week since his money is going to the new LoZ game...

... This is because I am possessed by an anger too great for words...

You see, in order to activate an adsense account with Google, you go through a lot. First they have to approve your blog, then confirm your e-mail address, then confirm your phone number by calling it, then you have to give them your ssn, then they send you a pin in the mail to confirm your real address which you input into their site... It's a long process.

I had just received my pin and was getting online to confirm it so I could have them send me my check when I discovered that Google had disabled my account due to "invalid clicks". Just so we're clear: do not click my ads because you love me, I am in no way encouraging you to do it. I knew immediately who it was... I shall call him... the Alien.

You see, the Alien is a well-meaning but strange fellow, and he thought he could help me get money by spamming my blog and ads, clicking all of them rapidly as often as possible... For Google this is an extremely strict no-no. They don't care who does it, they don't care that some companies pay people to click on their ads all day, all they care is that it happened on my blog... and they took all my money and gave it to the companies, the same companies who sometimes cheat the system by spamming ads...
(... Heh... shoutout...)

CLICK ALL THE ADS!?

 But for me, it was the Alien. He spammed my blog with clicks, Google saw this and took back the money he made me, and I told him to stop and thought it was the end of it... but it wasn't for Google, oh no... I was a threat to them, so they shut me down.

And when I see the Alien, he's dead... he owes me $200...

... Won't even see it coming...

Conversations of the Day! Yay!

And now, real conversations we had yesterday! Some were frustrating, some were cute…

I'll try to do a post like this every morning after I watch the adorable little Terror. Inevitably some of these will be more of her more frustrating behavior, and some of these will be the just plain cute things she sometimes does.

Terror:  I’m thirsty! I… I mean, I want some covers.
Me: Then grab your blanket.
Terror: Will you give it to me?
Me: It’s right behind you.

Terror: I’m Noodles’ mommy, aren’t I?
Me: … Yeah… yeah you are…

Terror: We’re a puppy family!

Terror: Look!
Me: It’s a little sword.
Terror: *stabs* Does it hurt!?

… Yeah, thanks to her inevitable temper tantrum, this is all that happened yesterday worthy of repeating...