Monday, October 24, 2011


Dammit! I hate it when someone tries to guilt trip me. It’s the worst feeling in the world! Especially when you have every right in the world to be pissed off and angry! No! Don’t give me that face! Stop looking at me that way!

There are rules for a reason! The Terror may be a terror at times, but dammit if I don’t care about the little brat! No one can tell me I don’t, and I may not be family but I do my best to look after her! That means that I do my best to up hold the rules her mom’s set down, numerous though they may be, and when she does something bad, by the gods I yell at her for it and punish her!

This picture makes me feel bad and fat...

After having already yelled at her for wandering into the neighbor’s yard, which the little Terror tried to justify with a, “But Noodles made me do it”, I let her go back out. Big mistake. Why don’t people tell me these things? Someone should really tell me “Kit, don’t let the Terror back outside when she’s already fucked up.” No, no… I let her go back out to play…

And what do I see when I look out the window to check on her? The Terror walking in the middle of the street from somewhere up the road, holding the dog, after I’d already explicitly told her to stay in the yard and not leave it.

So yeah, I yelled at her, I explained about strangers and getting hit by a car and I made her go to her room, mind you I had to push her down the damned hallway because she wouldn’t go herself…

And yeah, I know, when I was a little kid I played in the road all day long, but that's because I had a dad who didn't really care all that much. My mom sure as hell cared, but she was in prison by that point and my dad let me run around the whole neighborhood. I lived in a trailer park in the middle of Redneckville/Drugytown and my dad let me play in the street, in the woods where people went hunting... Sure, nothing ever happened to me except for getting bitten by stray dogs and dogs in people's yard that I wasn't supposed to go into, but that doesn't mean something couldn't happen to the Terror!

… She’s standing right next to me now… dressed like a princess… must not allow self to weaken…

I refuse to feel bad, dammit!

Okay, so during the course for writing this post, she proceeded to sit quietly on the couch and play, until she asked if I would turn on cartoons for her. So I said I would, if she could tell me why I was mad. The terror gave me the most confused face you have ever seen on a creature, so I asked again if she could tell me why I had been angry and what she did wrong. The little Terror declared that she had no idea what I had even been saying.

Oh man, did I lose it then... "You're telling me no one has ever told you not to leave the yard? Or not to play in the street? No one has ever warned you you might get snatched up by a stranger? Or hit by a car?"

She stared at me, long and hard and confused, and then declared if I didn't turn on cartoons she would go watch them in another room.
Yeah, it's the same picture...

So I raised my voice louder. "Are you seriously telling me that instead of telling me why I'm mad at you you're gonna disobey me and go to another room and watch tv? You really don't understand why I'm angry with you? What you did wrong? That you could've been hurt, or worse?" Gods, I sound like a mom there...

She declared she was hungry, so I said no and restated my point, so she said she wanted me to let Colt in, I said no, so she declared she was thirsty, I said no... so she proceeded to try to squeeze the life out of Noodles.

... Yeah, the was dragged down the hall, screaming and crying, to her room for that.

Not sure who's being punished here...

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