Happy Birthday, Hunny!

Believe it or not, if it wasn’t for the Blonde One, I would never have met Hunny, or even Lulu and Tiffy for that matter. Heck, if it wasn’t for the fact I was so ridiculously talented, I never would have met the Blonde One!

No, seriously. We were in the same art class, and one day I’m sitting there drawing this anime style winged guard for a story I was writing, and she just sat down across from me and started talking about how awesome it was. By the end of class we were friends and she invited me to sit with her and her friends; I almost didn’t do it, since I normally ate lunch with Mir-Mir and her friends, but for a while there I kept feeling left out of conversations and awkward, so I thought I’d try this whole “making new friends” thing all my other friends were doing… That and I have abandonment issues, so I thought I’d get back at them for daring to make friends other than me.

This is the group I walked up to: find Hunny!

Can’t? She’s the blonde one… no, the one on the bench.

They were in a class lower than me, well, except for the one girl,  but we all loved anime and manga and art and writing and all the creative things in the entire world like acting and movies! Hunny especially was talented, what with her adorable kitty drawings and writing abilities, and her website, and her piano and flute, and sign-language, and clothes designing skills… We were awesome and full of win and spread our otaku goodness across the entire school! WOOO!

For her birthday that year, we all went out to the local Chinese buffet place, and we got the cute waiter:

He had anime hair.

It was the perfect start to a perfect storm of awesome, later we went to her grandmothers place to stay the night, and we made up a game called the Blushing Game. It was a hilarious game, using each other anime crushes and our creative abilities, we created mental images and stories to make people blush, and we even had a point system.

I remember that Tiffy like Sasuke of Naruto fame, and Hunny liked Dark Mousey… but I can’t remember who the Blonde One liked… it might have been Satoshi from DNAngel… I remember that I didn’t like anyone, I was past that point of fangirling and had moved on to writing my own characters and fangirling over the awesomeness I had made, but for the night they made a human form to the kyuubi no kitsune, and thrust him, half-completed and full of badassery, at me.

Eventually things downgraded into bad porn, though, when the Blonde One started talking about Dark throwing Hunny on tables and covering her with Buckets Of Butter… I fell asleep…

And then the Blonde One swore she saw the Tooth Fairy in the pendulum of the clock, so we all hid in one bedroom, and I slept in the doorway to protect everyone.

Hallway Children

 We were expecting the Alien to come by today, so this morning when someone knocked lightly on the door, me and the Hedgehog assumed it was him. Yawning, I sat up as the Hedgehog looked out our peephole.

Instantly his face changed, and he turned and came back, laying back down, informing me that we needed to be quiet now. Confused,  I got up and went to the door myself, peering out into the hallway.

I recognized that girl.  She was one of the hallway children who bothered me a lot. Yesterday she’d been bothering me about a phone… Aside from that one time I let the neighbors have a cup of sugar, we’ve never  shown any  willingness to give them things, so it seems really weird that they always ask us for stuff. Constantly. Groaning, I let out a sigh and went to the bathroom.

But the knocking never stopped. Every other moment there was another, soft, but very insistent knocking from our door. It was constant, never ending… This girl wasn’t giving up, she was determined someone was opening that door. Something came over me: my mind started whirling, my heart started pounding, and I knew if I didn’t get back soon and take care of the problem, the Hedgehog might lose his own temper.

So when I came out of the bathroom, I opened the door, looked her in the eye, and said, “The Hedgehog doesn’t get  home till after midnight and we don’t go to bed till after four, so if you don’t want us knocking incessantly at your door at 4am, could you please stop?”

She stared at me, silent, bewildered, until finally... “Can I borrow the phone?”

Eyebrow twitch. “No.” And I shut the door.

After I settled myself back in next to the Hedgehog to go to sleep, he informed me, “I wouldn’t have been so nice.” I smiled though. Maybe not, but I still felt kinda badass.

If You Read This, The CIA Knows...

What doesn't help my case:  this freaks me out somehow...

 Okay, by this point in time I doubt there is anything I could do to make you guys think I don’t freak the fub out every time something slightly weird happens,  especially not with the following story supporting evidence against me… I mean, telling you all I love horror movies and creepy pasta would probably do nothing to sway you…

Anyway, when I went to the Renaissance Faire with my friends, the night before we went, me, Lulu, and Tiffy shared a bedroom. Tiffy and Lulu had the bed, while I laid on the couch at the end of the bed, and after the lights went out we laid for a while and started talking; and after a while Tiffy started to fall asleep.

At first we talked about the NaNoWriMo contest and how I was competing with an old friend of ours who thought she was an amazing writer but who made Stephanie Meyer look like Shakespeare. From Stephanie Meyer we fell into how libraries are destroying books and we all want to move to Canada. From that we fell into how the US government could  pretty much care squat about the average person, and the fact that most of them are just in it for money and power. Ultimate power ultimately corrupts, after all.

While I’m not exactly an insane conspiracy theorist, I pay attention to evidence, and when talking about the government, I can’t help but to bring a specific something up: “I still don’t think we went to the moon. I saw something on television once, about how in this one picture you can see the crosshairs behind the lunar lander. I saw that picture in my science book that year. It’s true.”

Somehow other things we doubted about the government kept coming up, and the more we talked… the more the room started to feel creepy  and defiled. Shadows looked like they were jumping in the corner’s of our vision. It felt like being little again and afraid of the dark and monsters under the bed.





What if there were members of the CIA laying underneath the bed listening to us talk, ready to pounce at any moment?!

It got worse when I brought up something that had never made sense to me: “And with black boxes being virtually indestructible, able to be found even in ocean crashes, how is it we never found a single one of the 9/11 ones…?”

That was it, we couldn’t take it anymore. Getting up both at once, Lulu and I rushed for the bedroom door and opened it a crack, letting light from the bathroom fill the room. Instantly we were relieved, and I let out a sigh.

Feeling safe again, Lulu and I went back to bed.

Worst 50th Post Ever

... You know how I'm an easily terrified person? My mind sits and thinks about how things can go wrong so I'm always prepared, but sometimes something happens that even I haven't thought of; maybe it's something so good my brain thinks it's a trick, or maybe it's something so bad that all of my instincts scream at me to run before something worse happens.

This has happened to me a lot in the past, but only in the years after I lost my mom. After I lost her, I changed. I couldn't take confrontation, couldn't handle change... Believe it or not, I didn't get terrified at every little thing that might go wrong. I've run a lot. Get in a fight with my dad? Run. Get in a fight with a friend? Run, then make excuses not to talk to them. Get in a fight with my dad's Girl-Fiend? Get forced into a fight with her, then run.

Tonight's no different, either.

See, apparently the Terror (oh gods, should I be calling her that...?) had a bruise. I saw it today, she showed it to me. I figured it came from either when she made me pick her up and carry her away from the door while she was kicking and screaming, or from when her dad had to haul her up last night. Either way, it was getting blamed on me... Remember my fear of the Hedgehog's family hating me? Thinking me a horrible person? Yeah, well it happened, apparently... They are mad at me...

And every single fiber of my being is screaming at me to run, trying to come up with plans so I can avoid confrontation all together. Even horrible stuff I would never do my brain is thinking of. Everything from "fake sick so you have to stay home on Thanksgiving and not talk to them" to "get up after the Hedgehog goes to sleep and walk away, we'll figure it out from there."

... What kind of horrible person am I if I'm thinking of running off in the middle of the night without saying goodbye to my Hedgehog? Or even that I love him? What kind of twisted, selfish, cruel-hearted person would do that?

I'm terrified the answer is me...

I Have Abandonment Issues

Right now I'm sitting in the bathroom of my apartment, wrapped up like a burrito in a blanket to preserve what little warmth I have left, shivering in front of my laptop, writing this post simply because I have nothing better to do and there's no way I can sleep tonight.

I'm in the bathroom because it's the best place to get internet access in the apartment, I'm a burrito because it's cold as ice in here, it's cold in here because the window is cracked so the wi-fi cord can be dangled out of it to get better internet. I'm doing this instead of sleeping because I can't sleep at night when the Hedgehog is away from home.

I should be used to it, he leaves once a month for drills because he's in the military, so I for nearly six months I've spent a weekend alone every month, yet every time I find that the apartment is suddenly strange and I can't sleep. I turn on all the lights and normally just sit on the bed, watching television or reading until the sun goes up and I can at last curl up into a ball and sleep in the safety of the morning sunlight.

Well, tonight he's staying over at his mom's 'cause he's hanging out with his little sister tomorrow.

Logically I know that there's nothing wrong with that, but I can't help but feel... abandoned. It's a feeling I can't put a name to, really. I don't know where it's coming from, or why I'm feeling it, but... I'm lonely and alone and I can't help but to remember... Awful things.

I remember being little and having my aunt tell me no one would love me, that they couldn't stand to be around me, that they would do anything they could to get away from me. In a weird way my dad confirmed it. All the times I ran away and he knew where I was but never came to tell me to come back home, because "it wouldn't change your mind". Yeah, well, that's not the point, dad, the point is that you care enough to try... They're horrible memories, and I feel awful remembering them, imparting their sadness to other people, but...

I sit here in the bathroom,  wrapped up as a burrito, lonely, feeling, for inexplicable reasons, abandoned and unwanted... How can I feel this way over nothing? He's just hanging with his sister, I know that, and I hate feeling like I'm being clingy, 'cause I'm scared of pushing him away. It's just so silly! Knowing that sometime tomorrow my Hedgehog will come home to me and I was feeling this way for nothing. I was just being stupid and petty and selfish.

On the bright side, at least I have a blog now to keep me busy.

Sleep, and the Terror

Innit she cute?

There are a lot of rules that the Terror's mom has given me for when I watch her spawn, a lot of rules that has given me the great misfortune of yelling "NO" at a small child all day long. Now, the Terror can be quite the little... terror, but she actually can be a sweet kid at times. I know, I know, I complain a lot about her, and she drives me nuts, but believe it or not I actually do like the little brat. She can be positively adorable at times, which is why I normally spend my days feeling like the worst person ever because I have to tell her "no" so much; and all because of a few rules her mom has that have basically limited the kid to the couch. I'm just lucky she actually likes cartoons.

One rule is that under no circumstances is she allowed to make a mess or get herself dirty. This sucks for both me and the kit because she happens to be a little artist at heart and I'm an artist myself, which is actually why she liked me in the first place and I got saddled with this job. So every time she wants to draw or paint or pull out her art supplies, I have been charged by her mom to put an end to it; and no, I'm not misinterpreting a rule. The first week me and the Terror incurred the wraith of her mom when she came home to find us drawing with crayons, and since then it's been banned because the Terror "won't pick them up later."

So it's not hard to imagine why it is the Terror also isn't allowed to play with her toys. According to her mom it's too much hard work yelling at her to pick them up, so she's not allowed to play with them in the first place. As you can imagine I spend an awful lot of time feeling sorry for the little Terror, that is, until she decides to be annoying or throw a tantrum and then I'm just kinda pissed off and upset. And why wouldn't I be? She asks relentless questions over and over again about the same thing, is always making demands for things like candy, which she's not allowed, snack food, which she's not allowed, soda, which she's not allowed, more food, when she just got done eating and didn't even finish, or for me to hand her blankets that are right next to her, or get her more drink when she still has a full cup...

It's pretty easy to see that she's just attention starved and cooped up,  but thanks to her dad she's not even allowed to go on walks anymore like we did the first couple of weeks. Mostly because we can't leave the dog and we can't take the dog with us because , well...

Colt is too big to take on walks and is prone to breaking out and running away, and Noodles has no collar, so the Terror just ends up dragging him all over creation and just about choking him to death, and that's when she's not taking off on sprints for no reason. So the obvious solution would be to just let her play in the yard. After all, Noodles doesn't run off and he goes out all the time for bathroom breaks, so...

... Yeah, she'll dash off into the road...


Still, there is one rule her mom has given me that I routinely break, one rule so ridiculous and without thought that I can't help but ignore it, and that is the rule that I must wake the Terror at 8'o clock. You see, not only does the Terror throw a horrible tantrum the likes of which have never been seen before when someone tries to wake her up, but as it is, when I allow her to sleep until she wakes up (normally around 11), she can barely stay awake until 9'o clock. The Terror is still a little kid, she can't stay up that late, she shouldn't be woken up that early, she needs her sleep.

... and she's so cute...

So I break the rules and let her sleep. It gives me a couple hours to eat breakfast, feed the dogs, and wake myself up full before I have to deal with her, too. It's better in the long run because she can stay up until her mom gets home and I don't have to give her another reason to dislike me.

Sleep, and Why Hedgehogs Disturb It.

Have you ever been sleeping peacefully in the softest, warmest, comfiest bed you can possibly imagine?

... Snoring?

Makes more sense than zzzzzzzzzzz...

... Apparently disturbing the Hedgehog who's sleeping behind you...?

Who's decides the best way to stop you is to hit you with a pillow?

Yeah, that happened to me when me and the Hedgehog stayed over at his mom's house last weekend. See, I only snore horribly when I'm uncomfortable, which is funny because I was really, really, comfy...

Well, the Hedgehog yelled at me for snoring and rolled over to go back to sleep, and for a while I just laid there... sad... wondering what I did wrong, on the verge of tears... I hadn't meant to snore so loud I bothered him. I hadn't meant to disturb my Hedgehog. I loved my Hedgehog. Why had he me with a pillow? No... How could he hit me with a pillow...?

Suddenly I wasn't just angry, I was pissed. I was beyond mad. I was fuming. That eejit dare hit me with a pillow?! Silently I swore I would ignore him the next day and make him pay, and I went back to sleep.

Well, we were so busy the next day with his family and watching the Terror that the eejit never even noticed I wasn't talking to him, in fact he didn't notice until we were back home and I wasn't even mad at him anymore... Oh yeah, I taught someone a lesson, and it sure as heck wasn't my Hedgehog...

The Dogs (and a cat)

Over at the house where I watch the Terror, niece of my boyfriend the Hedgehog, there are two dogs.

... Why can't I draw dogs?

A dachshund.

... Yes, I am that bad at illustrating Great Danes...

And a Great Dane.

... <3 this pic...

In an effort to keep up the fun naming game, for this blog I’m calling the dachshund Noodles and the Great Dane… Colt. Those are obviously not their names, but honestly, I'm making a blog where I routinely insult small children and their mother's, who are related to my Hedgehog. I happen to really love him, and I don't want to have to argue with him because I needed to vent a little. So yes, names have been changed to preserve the identity of the people involved and to save my relationship.

I have no idea why, but Noodles absolutely loves the Terror, despite all the horrible things she does to him…

You don't hold weenie dogs like this.

As for Colt? Well, he drools…

A lot

So unlike Noodles he stays outside, mostly, until the Terror begs to bring him in, and which point this happens…

This is what chaos looks like...

Needles to say if I can keep him out, I do so…

Awww... so cute when sleeping...

The first thing I do every morning when I arrive, before unleashing the Terror from her sleep is feed the dogs…

A couple weeks ago, after having had Wednesday-Sunday off, I arrived to find they were completely out of food. I figured they had run out on Sunday night and went on with the day, putting a couple pieces of bread out for them so they’d eat a little. Well, when I came back the next day, there was still no food… and there wasn’t for the rest of the week… I felt like the worst person who had ever lived, ever.

To tell the truth, I wanted to do something about it, but there wasn’t anything I could do short of calling animal control, and, well… This is the Hedgehog’s family, and I’m at the age where if I have a boyfriend, especially one I’m living with, I want his family to like me too. Who knows how long I’ll be around? I mean… what if I end up marrying him…?!

This is a thought that terrifies me...

So yeah, I just gave them some old food that was about to go bad and when I came back the next Monday, there was food. Still… I can’t help but feel horrible for them…

Oh yeah,  and there’s a cat.

He doesn't have a name...

He’s a stray, he hangs around, but seems to like dogs, doesn’t fight, and is overly lovey. Also, he's neutered.. The Terror loves him. She’s horrible with dogs, but she seems to know how to treat cats. Her mom’s allergic, though. Of course, the cat doesn't care. He darts inside every time the door opens.

So yeah, these are other things I deal with...