Kit and Lulu (and Hunny)’s Adventures in Spanish!

Unlike most people I don’t really have a mom or dad, or any real family in general. I mean… yeah, I did have a mom, who I miss a lot, and I do have a dad, who I never see any more, and I have a ton of cousins and aunts and uncles, most of whom could die without me ever caring about and who wouldn't bat a lash if I died, but I don’t have a real family. Get it now?

I won't lie,  though... I had a pretty lonely childhood.

Instead, I have friends, and they’re the most important people in my entire life, you know, my Hedgehog aside. Three friends in particular have become more than friends, they are my sisters… that’s not to say that I don’t love my other friends, some of which have been around longer and know me better, but these three… I can count on them no matter what.

Hunny

Lulu

Jess

And a couple of years ago or so when I found myself homeless, the first time, not the second time when I went to live with the Home, they became my family.

Group huggle.

Yeah, bad stuff happens to me a lot, not much that can be done about it now, but it’s made for a lot of interesting stories and has led me to where I am, so I’m content with it even if at the time I was pretty miserable… Anyway, it was about to be spring break of my senior year in high school, and thanks to my dad’s Girl-Fiend home wasn’t exactly so safe and home-like anymore.

... There's no easy way to draw stringy bleached hair and leathery skin...

Oh gods you have no idea how much I wish I were kidding... She used to wear this skintight lime green track suit, and one morning she walked around in a tight blue shirt that came to just below the curve of her butt and nothing else: literally nothing else. She was mean, too, like... a thousand times more vindictive than I've ever been, but I digress...

Shirtless because that's how I always see him.

I’d already run away from home for a couple of days at a time in the past, so I knew that neither the Girl-Fiend or my dad would care or really come looking for me, so I took up an offer Lulu’s dad had made and decided to stay with them for a couple of weeks. He's pretty awesome, actually, and he jokes around a lot. Every time I see him he asks me how prison is, and then goes, "But seriously, you're looking good. Glowing." He's an awesome guy, he calls me Kit the Car.

I get the reference, but I can't help but imagine it like this...

I spent many a happy night.

Living with Lulu was a lot of fun, at least while the rush of freedom still had a hold of me; not that it didn't continue to be fun, it's just... after awhile I couldn't shake the burden feeling I always get. The first night there she set my bed up underneath the Twilight poster she had on her closet door and told me, “Don’t worry, Jasper’s nipple with protect you.”

Anyway, to the reason for the particular title of this post, Lulu’s family is Puerto Rican, and as such there is a good amount of Spanish spoken at her house. Well, I’m not exactly fluent, but I know enough of it to understand it and even respond in really simple cases… You know, what time it is, how I'm doing... I understand it better than I speak it, that's thanks to a Latin class I took in high school, and normally people stick to the simple stuff cause I'm just so white, so I can normally chirp back my short reply and feel kinda awesome from remembering stuff.

I could never do that with Lulu’s dad, though. When he came in all, “Como esta?” I sat there, panicking, wide eyed, staring at him. He was just so intimidating to me somehow, maybe because he actually spoke it. Most other people didn't really speak it that well, or were learning, or did it in a joking way and kept it short and simple and not often; he would speak sentences at me, things I understood, but it made me afraid. What if I said the wrong thing? What if I messed up?

Not that Lulu was any better. When she speaks Spanish you have to speak to her really slowly like she’s “a really slow retarded five year old”. That is a quote from Lulu herself. This made things really interesting around the house. Her dad would be there, just saying really simple things… asking me about my day and how things were, in really simple Spanish I could understand and reply to, and I would panic really badly… and Lulu wouldn’t help because either she couldn't or she thought it was funny.

It was all because I was a super quiet house guest, too. I don’t require much to keep me entertained, and I’m actually pretty shy and quiet on my own… I made him uncomfortable, he couldn't tell what I was thinking, and I knew it, which is why I later went to stay with Hunny; her family forced me into talking by poking and prodding and joking.

And me and Lulu and Hunny had some fun ourselves, like this one time we were hanging out at one of their favorite Mexican restaurants… Now, before anyone accuses me of being racist, I would like you all to know that I know the waiter spoke Spanish, I had heard him speaking it with one of the other waiters on the other side of the room just ten minutes before the incident… I have to commend the guy, too. Through all of our insanity he didn’t so much as crack a smile. He was really serious about his job.

As we were sitting at the table, we were talking about how there were really only two phrases that we knew in Spanish, the first one was “es un oso”. About the time Lulu said this the waiter came up to refresh our drinks. He had to be wondering what bear we were talking about and where it was… Or at least wondering what was wrong with us.

A few moments later when he came back to give us our check, Hunny announced to the table the other phrase we knew, “tengu en gato en mai pantalones.” … Despite hearing this, he didn’t even laugh, didn’t even smile, though she had just announced she had a cat in her pants. We all died laughing, however, when he walked away.